27-11-16

Feeling very bored nowadays.

Somehow nowadays I cannot motivate myself to do anything, I wonder izzit that I am reaching mid-life crisis.

I tend to think alot more about my life and the things and people that is around me.

I tend to be upset easily about alot of things nowadays. Its like I am affected very easily about things.

Like 2 months ago when I know Kim Sohyun is coming to Singapore and at that time I am flying to Japan for holidays, den I feel like so down that I am unable to do anything until I found a solution to be able to see her and my mood just turned 360 degrees to become so happy.

I keep thinking like I feel like a burden to the people around me. Its like because of me the people around me all have to change because of me.

Like when I go out with my group of ITE friends, coz they are like 3 couples which I'm the only one thats single, we always have to find seats for meals in odd numbers like 3 5 or 7. And we all know odd number tables are so hard to find in places as they are usually a square table in 4 or 8. So usually I'll just tell them that I'm not free so as to not have so much trouble because of me.

I mean of course I also wanna meet them up for meals and gatherings, but sometimes its just prove to be too troublesome because of just adding me in. So if me not joining will be so much easier for everybody, I mean why not. Having a person less but it makes everything so much easier, of course just do it. It makes things easier for everybody and it doesn't make anybody feel bad also. I wun feel bad because I caused that trouble of having to look for one more seat for me and they dun have to feel bad for not asking me to join them.

I just feel doing everything alone is so much easier den when with people. Like I can eat what I want, go where I want and do what I want.

Sometimes after work, I just feel like having something I wanna eat for dinner. After that I will just get a drink, put on my earphones listening to my mp3 player and just walk around with no objective. I will just like go somewhere or some mall and just walk around looking at stuffs and people watching. I feel very at ease when I do that as I do not have to think of what to do later. I will just walk around everywhere feeling relaxed and quiet, having the moment of not having to think about anything, just all the me time that I want.

Alot of my friends they say they cannot understand my actions like always not joining them for meals and gatherings but rather go out alone and walk around.

I mean of course not everybody understand what I am thinking because all of us have different life experiences. I'm not saying my life is so pathetic and sad. Of course I also feel I have a good life but everybody's view in life is different and what everybody wants to do is different.

I just feel sometimes everybody should try to put themselves is another person's view and you can understand more about the life everybody have, but all these is easier said den done.

If everybody had a choice, everybody will want a life that is perfect for themselves.

Ok, going off. Enough ranting for a day already.

12-11-16

Sometimes I'm always thinking like what have I achieved in my this 33yrs of life as I'm 33 yrs old.

I am always thinking like what exactly am I good at because I realise that I'm not good at anything that I can do.

I think the only achievements I have in my life is getting A1 for Maths for 'O' Levels and getting my class3 license. Other den that I really can't think of any achievements I have.

There are like so many things that I like to do but I just simply cannot do them well because I have quite a weak mentality which I always give up easily when I fail at some stuffs.

Its like I like to play video games but somehow I suck at it. I like to play fighting games and I like to play it so called competitively because I find playing with people is very fun but somehow I just suck at it no matter how much I play it. Its like my personal ability is so lousy because I am unable to read the game and read my opponents which I always get KOed easily.

I like to watch football but I suck at playing football games like Fifa and Football Manager.

I like the Japanese language and culture but somehow I am just unable to learn them even though I went for lessons.

Sometimes I just feel that my personal ability is like so low that I cannot excel in anything I do and I am always unable to motivate myself in doing something.

I feel that I belong to the kind of person that people say that doesn't care about anything and having short term interest as I always do something and den stop after awhile.

But to be honest, I feel I dun really suck at doing things but at the same time I do not excel in whatever I do. I am just like the average person u see everywhere.

Oh well, when you're not a capable person that you are just like me.

Logging off, posting again soon.