27-11-16

Feeling very bored nowadays.

Somehow nowadays I cannot motivate myself to do anything, I wonder izzit that I am reaching mid-life crisis.

I tend to think alot more about my life and the things and people that is around me.

I tend to be upset easily about alot of things nowadays. Its like I am affected very easily about things.

Like 2 months ago when I know Kim Sohyun is coming to Singapore and at that time I am flying to Japan for holidays, den I feel like so down that I am unable to do anything until I found a solution to be able to see her and my mood just turned 360 degrees to become so happy.

I keep thinking like I feel like a burden to the people around me. Its like because of me the people around me all have to change because of me.

Like when I go out with my group of ITE friends, coz they are like 3 couples which I'm the only one thats single, we always have to find seats for meals in odd numbers like 3 5 or 7. And we all know odd number tables are so hard to find in places as they are usually a square table in 4 or 8. So usually I'll just tell them that I'm not free so as to not have so much trouble because of me.

I mean of course I also wanna meet them up for meals and gatherings, but sometimes its just prove to be too troublesome because of just adding me in. So if me not joining will be so much easier for everybody, I mean why not. Having a person less but it makes everything so much easier, of course just do it. It makes things easier for everybody and it doesn't make anybody feel bad also. I wun feel bad because I caused that trouble of having to look for one more seat for me and they dun have to feel bad for not asking me to join them.

I just feel doing everything alone is so much easier den when with people. Like I can eat what I want, go where I want and do what I want.

Sometimes after work, I just feel like having something I wanna eat for dinner. After that I will just get a drink, put on my earphones listening to my mp3 player and just walk around with no objective. I will just like go somewhere or some mall and just walk around looking at stuffs and people watching. I feel very at ease when I do that as I do not have to think of what to do later. I will just walk around everywhere feeling relaxed and quiet, having the moment of not having to think about anything, just all the me time that I want.

Alot of my friends they say they cannot understand my actions like always not joining them for meals and gatherings but rather go out alone and walk around.

I mean of course not everybody understand what I am thinking because all of us have different life experiences. I'm not saying my life is so pathetic and sad. Of course I also feel I have a good life but everybody's view in life is different and what everybody wants to do is different.

I just feel sometimes everybody should try to put themselves is another person's view and you can understand more about the life everybody have, but all these is easier said den done.

If everybody had a choice, everybody will want a life that is perfect for themselves.

Ok, going off. Enough ranting for a day already.

12-11-16

Sometimes I'm always thinking like what have I achieved in my this 33yrs of life as I'm 33 yrs old.

I am always thinking like what exactly am I good at because I realise that I'm not good at anything that I can do.

I think the only achievements I have in my life is getting A1 for Maths for 'O' Levels and getting my class3 license. Other den that I really can't think of any achievements I have.

There are like so many things that I like to do but I just simply cannot do them well because I have quite a weak mentality which I always give up easily when I fail at some stuffs.

Its like I like to play video games but somehow I suck at it. I like to play fighting games and I like to play it so called competitively because I find playing with people is very fun but somehow I just suck at it no matter how much I play it. Its like my personal ability is so lousy because I am unable to read the game and read my opponents which I always get KOed easily.

I like to watch football but I suck at playing football games like Fifa and Football Manager.

I like the Japanese language and culture but somehow I am just unable to learn them even though I went for lessons.

Sometimes I just feel that my personal ability is like so low that I cannot excel in anything I do and I am always unable to motivate myself in doing something.

I feel that I belong to the kind of person that people say that doesn't care about anything and having short term interest as I always do something and den stop after awhile.

But to be honest, I feel I dun really suck at doing things but at the same time I do not excel in whatever I do. I am just like the average person u see everywhere.

Oh well, when you're not a capable person that you are just like me.

Logging off, posting again soon.

23-10-16

In life, we make alot of decisions.

And I am someone that is always unable to make decisions. Whenever I need to make a decision, I will ponder for a very long time.

I keep thinking in my life, how many correct decisions I've made and how many wrong decisions I've made also.

Suddenly one incident made me think of my decision making.

2 weeks ago I was supposed to go on a holiday with my frenz to Japan on the 29th of Sept, but because Kim So Hyun was coming to Singapore for her 1st fanmeet in Singapore and her fanmeet clashed with my trip to Japan.

So I decided to give up my trip to Japan and preferred to stay in Singapore to see her in person because she is one of my super favourite korean actress which you can see from my previous post.

So I told my frenz that I'm sorry because I decide to stay and see Kim So Hyun and not go Japan with them.

All of them were angry about it because they said I pang seh them because of one korean girl.

LOL !

Of course I know their anger from what I did but sometimes life is all about doing something for yourself.

I may have not been a nice person throughout my life but I can proudly say that I'm someone that has always try to think for others first before I think for myself.

Last time I was a very selfish person, I always think everything for myself first, trying to get out of trouble everytime when something happens even though I'm still lydat now. But over the years as I grow up, I feel that we need to sometimes think for others more and not everything for myself.

So as years goes by, I slowly slowly changed myself and think of others more.

Even when last time when I was working in the retail line, I always try to think for people first. Whenever they want to change my offday with me because they have something on, I would happily just change with them. But when it happens too often, people will just take it for granted.

There were a few times that I wanted to take leave to go overseas with friends, but as we know retail line means you have to work everyday so usually we only have an offday per week. So if we wanna go overseas means it will affect the offdays of other people which may affect their planning for their offdays. So everytime my frenz ask whether I can go for a holiday, I would tell them its kinda hard for me to go off for like a week or something.

And there was a time when my offday lands on a public holiday. For retail staffs like us, usually if our offday lands on a public holiday, we will be asked to work because public holidays are usually the day which is more busy den usual.

But this time round I was allowed to be given the off on a public holiday so I thought that maybe I can go out with my mom or my frenz as its a holiday for all of them.

And den, my colleagues at that time all approached me after they knew that I was given the off on the public holiday. All of them gave me the excuse of wanting to accompany their family because they worked retail line so its been a long time since they have accompanied their family.

To me its like, Yah, you all haven spend time with your family because you guys worked in the retail line so you guys wanna change the offday with me so that you guys can accompany your family. But when you all said this, please do remember your reason of wanting to change your offday with me also applies to me because I'm your colleague and so I am actually in the same shoes as you all.

So its like you guys need to accompany your family but I no need ? So I'm not married or doesn't have a girlfriend means I do not have to accompany anybody ?

All these happens because when you always try to be nice to everybody and in the end it bites you back. But I cannot blame anybody for what happen because its all because of my decision making that caused all these. If I'm always firm to my decision and not always try to give way to people, people would not take me for granted and will also think for people more.

But sometimes all these happens when you have experienced more in life. Sometimes when you encounter more hardship and you will think for people more and be nice because you do not want other people to experience something that you have experienced before. But sometimes we need to be firm and some people does need to experience hardship to be able to appreciate the person around them and the things they do for them.

Life is such a walk of experience.

11-10-16

29-09-16 is such a day to be remembered for me.

The day that I saw Kim So Hyun in person !

For people who doesn't know Kim So Hyun, she is actually a korean child actress.

Yes, she is currently 17 yrs old now and I am a super big fan of her because she is so pretty for a 17yrs old.

I still remember the first time I saw her on the drama " Rooftop Prince " den I was like WHY THIS GIRL SO PRETTY ! And at that time she was only 13yrs old and she is already so pretty !

She was acting as the younger version of the evil sister acted by Jung Yoomi.

I was mesmerised. I was thinking why this 13yrs old girl is like so pretty and I decided to go find out who is she.

Kim So Hyun

This name will be remembered by me for a long time.

After that I was watching the biggest korean drama at that time, " Moon Embrace The Sun " and suddenly I saw her again.

I was like OH MY GOD ! Its her again !

Even wearing traditional clothing she also looks so pretty. And at this time she is still 13yrs old !

To be honest in my life at that time I've never seen such a pretty 13yrs old before. She is like really really so pretty.

After that she acted in " The Suspicious Housekeeper " which is considered a bigger role for her as she is featured in the whole drama and not just the younger version of the female lead.

See ! Still so pretty.

After that she acted as the younger version of Yoon Eun Hye in the drama " I Miss You " which she had a sad past which shows that she has good acting skills.

After that in year 2015, she finally had a drama which she is the main female lead. " Who Are You : School 2015 "

She acts as a pair of twins, Eunbi and Eunbyul which are seperated adopted but after that they reunites. This was her first major leading role for a drama which also landed her with alot of awards which proves her acting once again.

After that she acted in a short drama " Page Turner " in which she acts as an arrogant but talented pianist Yoon Yoo Seul, but because due to an accident she lost her sight which in turn gives her a chance to experience her life once again in a different manner.

And slowly she is getting more and more main lead acting as she stars in a webdrama " Nightmare Teacher " as Kang Ye Rim which the drama talks about the students in a class which is taught by a teacher which is able to make you fall asleep and let you face your fears in a dream.

The cuteness of this girl is just too overpowered !

And the most current one she stars in drama " Let's Fight Ghost " which she acts as a ghost call Kim Hyun Ji but she is actually not a ghost but a person in a coma which her spirit left her body.

And of course 29th Sept 2016 is definitely a day for me to remember because I saw her in real life for the first time at the airport !

She is just so pretty so cute so adorable.

The love since 2012, Kim So Hyun.

17-09-16

Yesterday I was at home after work with nothing to do and I decided to watch Page Turner, of course acted by my super favourite Kim So Hyun. Any show with her in it definitely attracts me to watch the show.

It was those kind of drama special which is only 3 episodes but to be honest I'm very impressed with it because it was a very meaningful drama and 3 episodes is nice as there wun be too much fillers of the story which makes everything short and sweet.

The shows revolves around 3 teenagers, Yoon YooSeol ( Kim SoHyun ) , Seo JinMok ( Shin JaeHa ) and Jung ChaSik ( Ji Soo ).

Yoon YooSeol is a talented panist who has won alot of competitions and is the top of the class. Seo JinMok is the classmate of Yoon YooSeol and is always the 2nd of the class. JinMok is slightly less talented but he puts in alot of hardwork to make up for the lack of talent.

YooSeol and JinMok knew each other since young and has been rivals because of YooSeol's mom as she was the piano teacher of JinMok and JinMok coming from a rich family despies her and because of this, he is so unhappy because he is constantly losing to YooSeol and one day he cannot take it anymore and he decided to make a wish as he thinks YooSeol and her mom is too cocky that he feels they need to get some punishment so that they wun be so cocky.

And his wish was granted.

YooSeol met with an accident and she lost her sight. And this made JinMok really regretted his decision for the wish.

And now we move on to Jung ChaSik's side of the story.

Jung ChaSik is an athlete who specialise in high jump. But one day due to a small injury he went to the doctor and found out that he does have a more serious injury which is on his spine which affects what he likes best, high jumping.

And suddenly fate lets the 3 of them meet each other at the hospital and fate lets them meet in school.

ChaSik volunteers to help YooSeol to and fro school as she has lost her sight.

I'll stop talking more about the story and talk about the individual things of them which made me have alot of thoughts in life.

When YooSeol lost her sight, her mom is so worried about how she is unable to play the piano anymore which really made her felt so sad. When she lost her sight, the first thing that the mom worried is how she is not able to play the piano and not about how she is gonna live on with her life.

She felt that everything she is doing in her life, including playing the piano is all for her mom as her mom puts all the drive on her to be the top pianist as this is something that her mom is unable to do when she is young so she hopes that YooSeol will be able to do it but in the expenses of YooSeol's happiness.

She said she was able to experience so many things when she went blind because she doesn't have to play the piano anymore which she is able to experience a new life.

After all these happens, Seo JinMok regretted what he wished for and he wants to do something for YooSeol by secretly helping her in anyway he can.

JinMok is someone that really enjoys playing the piano even though he knew that he is not as talented as YooSeol but his dad insisted on him taking the SAT test and giving up playing the piano as his dad feels playing the piano will not get him anywhere.

Jung Chasik felt so dejected after he had that injury which doesn't allow him to do high jump anymore that his mom decided to tell him a lie that his dad is a very famous pianist which makes him believes that he will have talent in playing the piano in which he ask YooSeol to teach him on how to play the piano.

After finishing the show, I felt so sad inside.

YooSeol, because of all the expectations given to her by her mom, she cannot enjoy what she likes because of all the pressure given to her which in turn gave her such an unhappy life since small.
JinMok is someone who really loves playing the piano but due to the pressure given by his dad, is not able to do something that he really likes, which is playing the piano.
ChaSik on the other hand feels that unable to do high jump anymore, he is useless in his life as he is unable to do any other things.

Sometimes in life, we shouldn't expect our kids to be able to do something that we are unable to achieve when we had the chance, we should be letting them do something that they really like or enjoy in life as something that we like doesn't mean that they will like. By giving them invisible pressure, we are directly affecting their life as they will feel that you being their parent they have to do what you tell them even if they dislike doing it.

And sometimes if you feel dejected that you are unable to do what you really wanted, you can instead have a change of view and have a change in decision.

Sometimes its not that we're not able to do something new which is a very unfamiliar thing to us. Sometimes we just need motivation and of course a push at the back so that we will have that drive to try to achieve what we're unfamiliar with.

Its the same thing as looking out of the box or leaving the comfort zone of your life. Sometimes you may find a greener pasture in your life or find something fresh which may interest you more den the previous thing you have done.

Page Turner, such a damm good drama.

12-09-16

Nowadays I keep finding myself staying at home during weekends and only going home after work.

Dunno why I feel so tired and very reluctant to go out nowadays.

Everyday after work, I just feel like going home to watch my tv dramas and play my games, I totally do not have the mood to wanna go out and have a walk, have a good meal outside or meet up with my friends.

Firstly I think because my body is like getting weaker and weaker, I'm always feeling very tired and lethargic and like I have lost interest in alot of things.

I'm like slowly slowly not really playing much games already, even my SRWOG progression is so slow. It's been more den a month and I'm just still at stage 30, if it's the me from last time I would have been playing it on the 2nd time round.

Watching drama is more like my preferred thing to do nowadays because I do not need to use too much of my brain power to think of what to do like when I'm playing games. I can just totally relax myself and just enjoy what is being shown on tv.

As for going out to have a good meal, I am quite on a tight budget actually as I do have quite an expensive medical bill I have to pay every 3 months so actually I try not to dine outside so frequently also as I dun really earn alot also to be able to dine out frequently.

Ahhhh, sian. Dun feel like writing liao. Time to rest.

31-08-16

31st August

Just a few more hours and I'm officially 33 years old.

Yes, I'm getting older and older, weaker and weaker day by day.

I suddenly feels that I'm experiencing mid-life crisis now.

I'm always thinking about life, thinking about stuffs, thinking about what will happen if this happens, what will happen if that happens.

I tend to prefer to be alone nowadays, preferring to do things solo and doesn't like to talk to people.

Thoughts always running through the mind.

Duno why there is like always so many things to think of.

They always say people who think alot are clever as they tend to plan things in advance to have a foolproof plan but my thinking of things is like thinking and thinking and thinking which I don't even know how to put them in words.

Sometimes I just don't feel I got the motivation to do anything, even things that I like and I dun even feel motivated to do it.

I feel I have just totally lost interest in everything.

I'm just feeling so bored of everything until that everyday when I reach home I just turn on the tv but I'm not even watching it.

Sometimes I dun turn on the TV, dun turn on the PC and only turn on the radio and lying on the bed doing nothing and starring at the ceiling.

Not motivated, no interest in anything.

17-08-16

It's already August 2016, nearly 3/4 of 2016 have passed.

That time I was worried about my health as one of my friend said that I have some symptoms of stomach cancer which got me worried for quite awhile. After much advise from friends, I've decided to go have a checkup. If I dun have cancer den of course its ok. If I really have cancer, at least I know I have it and I can plan for what to do in the future.

When I got my medical report, I was kind of relieved because I do not have any cancer. At least I do not have any more illness except for my diabetes and heart problem.

THAT IS A RELIEF.

Because during that period, I was constantly thinking of what to do if I do happen to have cancer which made me kinda down on my mood.

I am a person that always think of the worst case senario in case anything happens. I've been doing that for maybe the past 10 years.

I'm always thinking if I die, what will happen to my mom and my sis.

As for my sis, she's already married so at least anything happens she can still depend on her husband which is my brother in law.

As for my mom, I'm always having plans in my mind. I'm always constantly thinking of working more so that I can save more money for my mom so that if anything happens to me like if I need to stay in hospital or fallen so ill that I'm unable to work anymore, at least there will be some money kept so that she doesn't have to worry so much about it even if it's just a small amount.

I always feel that I need to work more, to earn more so that my mom can retire earlier and do not have to work so hard to still earn money.

But at least now its lesser of the worries because I DO NOT HAVE CANCER !

Yeah !

So now I shall go and enjoy myself by watch drama and playing games !

Logging out !

07-08-16

Nothing much to post, I shall post our selfies throughout the Japan trip !

01-08-16

Finally, August is here !

More den half of 2016 have passed, time does flies fast.

Yup, I'm gonna talk about the 2nd last day of my Japan trip in June.

The last day is considered our OTOT day as we extended an extra day so that we can walk around, buy some stuffs and have some good food together as the previous 2 days we need to follow the schedule which we do not really have much own time for ourselves also.

We decide to go Harajuku and Shibuya area to walk around and have our meals there.

We went to this ramen restaurant called Kyushu Jangara which is located at Harajuku. Its located on the 2nd floor of a building but we recognised it due to the queue spotted.

The black garlic ramen is actually quite good ! But its kinda oily though. But all ramens are supposed to be oily also because the layer of oil on top is to keep the ramen warm.

See they busy eating until ignore my selfie. Z z Z z Z

After that we decide to walk around Harajuku. Harajuku is my favourite place because there is damm alot of pretty girls walking around, but somehow they disappear on Sundays.

After that we saw this big LINE FRIENDS store and we went in to have a look but obviously guys doesn't have anything to see but its different for girls so we decided to stay outside and let the lady have some own shopping time in the store.

After that we went into some Adidas store which they have display for a new batch of shoes which look really quite nice.

After awhile we decided to go Akihabara because guys NEED to go Akihabara !

When we reached, we went to queue up and try the Pablo Cheesecake that everybody is talking about.

They were queueing for it but actually the queue is kinda short also. Not like SG always ppl queue for food until knn.

LOL ! Sophia was wearing this sunglasses that have such powerful reflective lenses that you can literally see Nicholas and me through the reflection.

After that we went to Yodobashi Camera wanting to have dinner at Sushizanmai, but when we reached there den we know that the branch at Yodobashi have closed already so we decided to have a walk inside. And YES ! YODOBASHI !

There's alot of Final Fantasy 15 and Persona 5 promotions going on as those are big titles in the country. You'll be amazed as there was a Live Streaming Event just to announce the release date for Persona 5. Japan is just an unbelivable country.

And of course the Audio section is always full of AKB48 and Nogizaka46 stuffs. They are like the only groups that's dominating the music charts in Japan. I feel no other groups come close to challenging them.

After that due to no more Sushizanmai, we decided to go for some BBQ Meat dinner just opposite Yodobashi.

I forget the name of the restaurant but the meat is really damm good ! But the price is kinda on the high side also. So at least its nice to justify the price.

After the dinner we were so tired that we decided to go back to the hotel liao.

Ok, thats all for today. Time to go back and grind my FFBE !