01-05-2014

A PUBLIC HOLIDAY FINALLY !

Today I basically slept the whole day as yesterday I went to attend a wedding dinner and a funeral. Such a strange thing huh, but we all know funerals always comes suddenly and not expected as we never know when a close one, relative or friend will leave us.

Attended Heng's wedding yesterday at Changi Village Hotel. Feeling so happy for him as we're friends since secondary school days even though he's like 2 years younger den me but hey the difference in age doesn't matter as long as we keep our friendship close.

Speaking about friendship, I'm someone who on the outside doesn't seem to treasure friendship alot as I always say having one less friend actually doesn't matter to me but inside I do treasure friendship alot.

My friends always say that I'm quite anti-social as I always turn down requests for meetups but I don't really blame them as not everybody knows what I'm experiencing.

Being having Diabetes since young means I'm already restricted to alot of things that I can do in my daily life like able to eat sweet stuffs. Diabetics usually have to visit the toilet very frequently due to our body unable to break down the blood sugar in our body which will lead to alot of waste in our body thats why I have to visit the toilet alot daily and it happens alot more frequently when my blood sugar is high.

I have to take daily jabs at like a 12hr interval which means during every specific timing of the day I'll have to take my insulin jabs if not I'll feel very uncomfortable for the remaining period until I take my jab which is a very big burden for me.

Alot of my friends have asked me to travel to countries like USA or Europe but I've always rejected them because my body is not able to take long hour flights and I'll not be able to take my insulin jab during the flight which makes it even worse. But sometimes they do not understand the situation thats why I do not blame them.

And lately I'm diagnosed with heart problems with even add up to even more problems with my body. Having frequent chestpains does not really help in anything as the chestpains comes very randomly which sometimes will make me having breathing difficulties and sometimes giddy spells.

Having more illness means having more medical appointments which leads to more medical bills. And as all of us knows, medical bills in Singapore is definitely a killer. You may not die from the illness but you'll die from paying all that mother fucking bills.

And here comes a good bunch of friends which I really like alot and treasure their friendship since 10 years ago. I feel comfortable with them when we meetup even though it's not a very frequent thing due to all our busy schedules.

But lately I'm very upset with them. As I know everybody have their own difficulties in life and friends should help one another, and I'm someone that doesn't really reject people when they need help. As I believe if I can help I will help, if I'm unable to help you I will only pray that you'll solve your problem.

So for the past few years I've lend money to all of them in the group. And yes, money always lead to misunderstanding and quarrels.

During the time when I'm financially quite ok, they needed help and I lend them the helping hand by lending them money. It may not be a big amount but of course it's not a small amount also.

And it's been a few years and none of them have returned any money to me.

I'm not the type to chase you for money as I believe when you have the money you'll return me, if you do not have the money no matter how I chase you, you also won't be able to return me.

But nowadays I find this group of friends are actually quite enjoying their life, going overseas for holidays, buying a car and having good meals with their friends and family. This of course I'm quite happy for them as they are enjoying.

But on the other hand, the one that have helped them the past few times is having trouble in life, Physically, Mentally and Financially.

All of them knows about my problem as they are my good friends and so I always tell them what are the problems I'm having and facing, but none of them seems to take the initiative to return me the money as from what I see they are all definitely able to return me my money if they choose not to enjoy so much of their life.

This things upsets me as when they needed help, I help them whenever I can but now when I need help, none of them offer help to me, and not even trying to make an effort in returning me the money.

Even if you owe me 1k, you can return me $100 per month and less den a year you'll be able to clear the debt.

Sometimes I just feel that I help them but they may not help me. But I understand as humans always will think for themselves first, including me. So I do not really blame them, maybe they'll not even think of me when I'm gone.